Shoes are the first thing I think about, and I never start dressing top down. I pick my shoes first, then my underwear and then my dress. It’s the way they make me feel when I slip them on: they make me feel special, and I just can’t help but gravitate towards them. By 19 most women know what their love is, and it was then that I realised mine was shoes.
I’m 42 and Lord knows how many pairs I have by now. I’m always giving shoes away, so it’s hard to keep count, but I reckon I have about 1,200 pairs. My ex-husband, Daniel, who is a hedge fund manager, is suing me for 35% of the shoes I own. He alleges that I kept them hidden in a closet in our apartment when we divorced. We’re going to court over it in the coming weeks, even though we divorced four years ago.
I was crazy for shoes
We had lived a crazy, excessive life. It was the life of the rich and famous but it wasn’t realistic. I’ve become more sedate recently — for instance, I now fly commercial, rather than on private planes. And I buy a lot less. When you live in fantasy land you don’t have to think about things. I used to buy 50 pairs of shoes in one go, but now my head’s out of the clouds. Over the years I’ve even bought pairs that are way too small or way too big. I’ve known they wouldn’t fit but I’ve really wanted them and ended up buying them. As I’ve got older I’ve stopped buying shoes just to admire, though — with age comes wisdom, as they say.
I have a shoe tattoo
Still, I have four locked shoe closets in my house in Pennsylvania. My mum is the only one who knows the combinations. She has to, in case anything happens to me. I’m particularly fond of the closet in my bedroom because I designed it — there are drawers up to the ceiling and they all pull out so I can stack the shoes three deep. Unfortunately, I tend to stuff in more pairs than can fit, so it’s a serious mess. There are always shoes lying all round the house. It’s a hazard really.
Last December I decided to get a tattoo that reflected my love for shoes. It’s in my bikini area and is an M — the scorpio symbol — with a Christian Louboutin stiletto as the scorpion’s tail. After my child, these are the two most important things to me. My daughter, who is 17, is like a mini-me. She loves fashion but she’s a shoe size bigger than me so she can’t borrow my shoes. When I pass away she’s got permission to have all my shoes stretched to fit her. We’ve already discussed this.
And seven inch heels
I also love to go shopping with my friends in big cities. My best girlfriend has a medical condition with her foot, so she’s hobbling about in a funny little boot and can’t even wear nice shoes. And I wipe out in my heels the whole time — designers just don’t make it easy for women, and those little cobbles in cities are a nightmare — so we’re an embarrassing duo! But guys have no idea what it’s like trying to manoeuvre yourself in a tight little dress with seven-inch heels.
My Louboutin heaven
My most treasured pair are my Christian Louboutin Rodarte ones. They’re rose-gold spikes encrusted with Swarovski crystals and there are only 14 pairs in the world. They’re truly amazing, and my daughter is in love with them. Clearly I’m not going to buy her $6,000 [£3,800] shoes, though! In fact, most people can only dream of buying a pair of Louboutins, and this is what’s inspired me to design a line of shoes. I started a few months ago, and I’m hoping to start selling my designs in September. I’m charging $120 (£76), but I’m also going to do a couple of high-couture styles — pumps studded with Swarovski crystals — that are a bit more expensive.
I have poker shoes too
I’m a professional poker player and have played in several world series. My biggest win was in 2007 when I won $350,000. There’s less than one woman to every 10 guys at these tournaments, and it can be pretty intimidating, even for a woman like me with a strong personality. I always wear empowering shoes to these kind of events as, to win, you need the feeling that wearing beautiful shoes gives you.
Over the years I’ve gone out with my men who are like, “Oh my God, your shoes are so hot!” and at times I’ve had men stop me in the street to tell me how great my shoes are. Not me, but my shoes! I don’t look for a guy who understands shoes, though, I look for somebody who will let me be me. Though I guess shoes come into that.
Everything I know about women . . .
. . . Our correspondent learnt from his two-year-old niece - from not making her cry to the art of gift giving.
As a single man in my mid-thirties, I've spent 20 years trying to understand women, with mixed results. It wasn't until six months ago, however, that I was given a clear insight into how the female mind works.
It came in the form of Lou-Lou, my two-year-old niece. I know, as a grown-up, that the onus is on me to teach her useful stuff rather than the other way around, but in this case, the instruction was mutual. I taught her how to wink, blow raspberries, burp and count to 10, sort of. "One, two, three, seven, nine, ten", which is good enough for me, as, personally, I've always thought the numbers four, five, six and eight were overrated.
In return, I learnt more about women in two months than I had gleaned on my own in two decades. This does not mean, by the way, that I think women are like two-year-olds and should be treated as such. I love my niece. I respect my niece. I'd dive on an unexploded grenade for my niece, and not just to amuse her. I would only dive on it if there was real danger of it exploding and hurting her. Women are all individuals and I'm making generalisations, but in the two-year-old Lou-Lou is the undiluted, unaffected essence of womanhood. Here's what I've learnt.
1 Ignore them
If I come into a room and bounce up to Lou-Lou like a clown, trying to amuse and entertain, she blanks me completely. It's as if I don't exist. If I walk straight past her, however, I guarantee she will call out my name and want to play with me.
2 Bribe them
Gifts work. Preferably something noisy or sparkly. With Lou-Lou, that means stuffed animals that sing or sequined hair grips. With grown women, I suppose that equates to, say, cars and jewellery.
3 Compliment them
I've mistakenly always held that compliments are like diamonds: valuable only for their scarcity. Flood the market and they lose all value. Not so. Lou-Lou poos in her nappy, everyone cheers - as if she just came up with a workable solution to world hunger - and she beams like a lighthouse. The same works with grown women, although, of course, only the general principle applies rather than the specific example given here. (I learnt this one the hard way.)
4 Listen to them
I've spent my life trying to preempt what women want. I needn't have bothered. If I just pay attention, Lou-Lou will tell me exactly what she wants: eat, dance, doll, jump, run, sing, play, read. Then all I have to do is organise it. How much simpler my life would have been if I had listened and acted accordingly.
5 Apologise
It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter if you don't even know what you've done. I might have slighted Lou-Lou by putting the wrong doll in the pram. What seems to you or me like a minor infraction is, to her, on a par with genocide. The best policy is to throw yourself on her mercy and beg forgiveness. But you must sound sincere. You don't have to be sincere, just sound sincere. This is so elementary, yet how many men ignore this advice?
6 Let them do it
Whatever "it" is. No matter how ridiculous it may seem to you, let her do it. When Lou-Lou gets an idea into her mind, there's no talking her out of it. In fact, be supportive, encourage her even. Then sit back and hope she discovers for herself that it was a stupid idea. The downside is that she might decide it was an excellent idea. One day, I found myself playing dolls' tea party for two whole hours and drank so many cups of imaginary tea, I was imaginary peeing all afternoon.
7 Don't tell them what to do
The best way to guarantee that she doesn't do what I want is by telling her to do it. The clever thing is to make it seem like her idea - and make it seem fun. One of my proudest moments was convincing Lou-Lou that watching the rugby World Cup final would be more fun than playing in the sandpit.
8 Don't complain to them
This is a tricky one. What I mean by this is, don't burden her with your petty problems. When I complain to Lou-Lou about a bad meeting or a sore back, she couldn't care less, but if there's genuinely something wrong, she will instinctively sense it and, with one hug, pick me up more than I thought possible.
9 Don't argue
There's simply no point. You will never win, and if you do win, it will be a hollow victory because of the mood she'll be in for a long time afterwards. Quite frankly, who needs the aggro? This leads to my final and most important point:
10 Don't make them cry
There is nothing more distressing than watching Lou-Lou's enormous, innocent brown eyes overflow with tears, while her mouth becomes a gaping, drooling, mournful air-raid siren that pierces through to the core of my heart. I'm utterly defenceless when she cries. And there's no known antidote. Food? Monkey impressions? A pony? Stabbing myself in the eye with a chopstick? I will agree to anything to stop her crying - and doesn't she know it.